I won't be able to say all that is on my mind right now simply because I'm typing on my phone and it is more cumbersome.

But - I started talking about this on my twit - I feel like the knowledge that we are entering a new decade should impact me more than it is. It just...feels like any other day. Days which are meant to be special just...don't anymore. I sometimes wonder if that is because I'm getting older or if it is because my depression is just so rooted in me that I just feel so little when it comes to shit like this. 

And I think about the fact that I am going to be 30 this year and how...I feel like I've done nothing. I feel like a waste of space, who cannot seem to get her shit in order. People tell me that I do, or that I will, but I guess I've fooled them enough to think that. I don't know. I want to believe them. But I also just. 

I don't know.