In my experience with dealing with shitty antis/purity police, the best way to get them to sort of stop trying to piss you off is to just...tell them they are free to think whatever they want.  Like, not even argue with them, just say "well you can think that if you want to."  I had someone come at me today for a thread of mine that has gained some traction calling out anti hypocrisy for consuming fiction which involves themes they all scream at people online about; she said that I spent "three whole days accomplishing nothing" and when I basically told her that I disagreed just based on the fact that she even replied (meaning the thread pissed her off lol) and that she overestimated the time I spent on it bc of how easily I can find these things, she responded with something about how I can find them but not think about them.  Essentially saying I'm an idiot without using those words lol.

And all I said was "again, you're free to think that if it makes you feel better for whatever reason."

I have not been replied to since.

It is kind of...good, actually; the way I handled that.  Not in the "oh shit I'm amazing" sort of way (because...lol), but in the acknowledgment that this really did not get to me the way that it would have a few months ago.  The reason I'm relaying it here is not because it bothered me so much as I was thinking about how effective that tactic has been and how easily I've been able to deploy it because my mental state has been better than usual.  I'm not just saying that; she really is free to think that, and if her life is so empty that being shitty to me on the internet and then going back to a handful of followers and them all saying how awful I am will make her feel better?  Then I do somewhat pity her.  I mean, I hate antis and anti culture but at the same time, that is sad.  I know we all get into those gossipy modes and shit but idk antis tend to do this sort of thing so much that I truly wonder if they get any enjoyment out of...anything else really.  Or are their lives are so empty that this is what they do.

I mean, I'm in a weirdly healthy state where I actually can think that.  Others cannot, and I would not have been able to a few months ago and might not be able to again in a few months, who knows. 


Other good news: I'm trying out a new gym place today I was told about because I tried a martial arts place last week and was not a fan (not because the people were bad or anything, but more because there were way too many people there and I was in a state of near panic the whole time, and I did not like the formality of everything; I don't remember what style they were teaching but it was traditional in the sense of like...bowing to your opponent and the floor and calling the teacher sir - which I will not do because it makes me uncomfortable for a number of reasons).  But I relayed this info to the instructor and he was very nice about it and recommended this other place.  I emailed and was given a free one-on-one because I was referred to by that instructor to go over what they do and show the gym and figure out what would be best for me.  I have a good feeling about it, even though I am nervous about meeting new people...as I usually am.

Also, tomorrow going to try out trampoline park, which I am stoked for.


And my nieces are super cute and I got to babysit them this past Friday and hang out with them over the weekend.  I am not very good (or really...at all) at changing diapers, especially when they are of the poop variety.  Of course Avery had a massive one, and I changed it while gagging the whole time (like...it was bad), but the funny thing was that her and Immy both kept saying "okay?" to me and both looked so concerned.  It was cute and funny.

They also get all excited when I show up and pull me to play with them and apparently whenever they are even told that I'm coming to see them they get all happy which just makes me smile so much.  I've said before that I did not ever think I could love two tiny humans as much as I do them and that still is true. 

They...make me want to stay around.

Am I in a hypomania period or are my meds just working?  Let's find out!


Though I've been doing well in terms of productivity in the last week/week and a half, I am always cautious of it.  Basically I need to ride this wave for as long as possible just in case it is a high period and not just...me being more productive because medication is working.

I've been back on a xv kick since episode Ardyn and I cannot shake the feels?  It is weird; I do get emotional in terms of tragedies and shit but for some reason I've just been in a strange like...heart-wrenching sort of feels state.  And then I went through ep Ignis again and I'm just sort of unable to focus on anything else right now.  That can be troublesome, as my hyperfixation makes it difficult to concentrate on other things, but so far I still have been able to be productive.  I think it helps that I've been trying to separate work from home almost completely - I've been taking my work to Barnes and Noble and stuff and when I get home I do minimal to none.  I've been told that making that separation more solid will be able to help in terms of maybe not feeling like I have work always over my head and wanting to do something to escape it.


Also, Callie is with my parents for a little while; I miss her, but her not being around has let me stay out to get work done more.


Oh, and getting that teaching award was nice; my parents and sister and nieces came up and we had a good day after the celebration.  I wish people would come to me more, I think.