New Years Eve and I'm laying in bed by myself (not even with Callie, who I gave to my parents so I could try and get some work done) with a headache and wanting to just do nothing but stare at the wall.

Also I haven't eaten since 1 or so and I just.  Keep telling myself to eat and doing nothing to fix that.  I just keep saying "wow, you should eat something" and not moving.  This has been going on for over two hours.

I did manage to do some work today, though I got started later than I wanted because I was woken up earlier than I originally planned - which resulted in me going back to sleep and then oversleeping, since that is my m.o.  It was weird; some guy was banging on the apartment door so I got up to check and then he started asking a bunch of questions about the building and stuff and kept going even after I told him I was not the landlord.  Then he gave me a piece of paper to give to them or something.  I won't.  It's not my job to do that for you, dude (also there was nothing filled out so it isn't like it had any of his information or anything on it).  I dunno.  It was weird and pushy and I did not like it at all.




I really should eat something.

The lack of an intense emotional response to the news of a close family friend's death should be troublesome. But at the same time this is better than...I guess spiralling. I've been feeling stressed and everything and maybe this should have hit me harder but. Yeah.

It's a bit awkward when you are sitting next to your sister and she immediately starts crying and you're just sort of blankly staring.

Also I know I have not written about petition stuff yet and I still want to. And now I have ended up in a discord with others spearheading movements and I already feel like I am being waved off because I am trying to address things and all. I might just be being sensitive.

As soon as something falls out of my control I spiral.

I'll need to remember to write a thing about this whole petition I started and how it has almost 15k signatures and I sort of wish I did not start it because it is stressing me out a bit.

Also its original message is getting lost bc the wrong crowd of the fandom is signing it as well.

I hate getting invested in shows lately they only disappoint me anymore.

I won the teaching award!

Truthfully I didn't realize how much of a big deal it is apparently?  Like they want to take my picture professionally and there is a ceremony in March and shit and I like...did not realize that this was this big thing I'mm a bit shook.

I need to schedule that...probably for next semester if I'm allowed to.

But it is nice; I'm always scared I'm fucking up when I teach but...maybe I'm not so bad at it.