Goals

So the other day I decided to get a sketchbook; a small one that was around $5 at Michael's.  I've been wanting to draw/sketch stuff again; I used to do it a lot, and while I never was great at it, it was still fun.

So today I drew in the first page - my subject was Pearl from Steven Universe.  I still have very much a cartoon/anime style but that's okay.  I don't expect to become super fantastic at drawing or anything, but I'd like to - at least - make my own character designs and draw some of my faves and everything.

I need to constantly tell myself that I don't need to compare my art to others, otherwise it won't be fun for me.  Easier said than done for me, yes, but I still should try.

While I never made a New Year's resolution, I think I might try at least these goals...and while I know they're vague and broad, they might help me at least somewhat.


First, step away from the computer more often, specifically tumblr.  While tumblr can be fun, it can also suck me in for way longer than it should, at the expense of me doing other things.  Also, tumblr does tend to have a one-track mind in terms of any sort of debate, and I want to step away from the toxicity that its extreme call-out culture has.

Second, try to find hobbies and stick to them (as long as they are fun).  Try my best to allow myself to have fun with these things even if I'm not good at them.  I want to draw?  So draw!  Don't compare your drawings to roommate's, who has been drawing consistently practically her whole life.  I want to work out and go back to mma?  Awesome!  Don't sit in class and feel like everyone is judging you for not being able to do this or that.  Just have fun with it.  Want to write for fun?  Go for it!  Writing for fun is something you've always enjoyed!

Third, read more.  I've been reading for fun more in this past month than I have probably within the last year, and I had forgotten (once again) how much fun it is, and how much I enjoy it.  Now that I have a fire (courtesy of best friend!), I can just borrow e-books from my library, and it will make things a hell of a lot easier!

Fourth, try to not overwork, but also try to work again.  Yes, I'm back at school, and with that comes a lot of pressure that I feel crushes me.  I'm basically at the starting line again (still?) in terms of dissertation and figuring out who my committee should be,  But try to take steps at a time.  I need to also try to not compare my work to others'.  People will be further along than me.  People will have more fleshed-out ideas.  Try to not allow comparisons which stifle you and put you back into the burnt-out hole that you found yourself in.

Fifth, get a better sleeping schedule.  This 4am - 2pm business is out of control.  Get back on track.

Sixth, allow myself to enjoy the company of other people.  Now, I know this one sounds weird, since I can't exactly force myself into having a good time, or whatever, but maybe...go out more, with friends.  With people from the department.  Allow yourself some vulnerability - I've avoided most people during my serious downs, and especially when I was away from the department this semester; I didn't want them to see me after they saw some of my own crashes and everything.  But they're good (most of them, anyway), and they will  not think less of me.  And those that do...aren't worth my time.  Allow myself to be friendly again.  And have friendships.  I know that maintaining those friendships has been difficult, and I've been isolating myself away from people, but...it would be better for me to socialize a bit more.


There's probably more that I can think of, but these are the main six on my mind currently.  And while some seem downright impossible during bad spells and crashes, I think it was important for me to write them down at the very least.

And hey, at least I'll be able to talk with Nancy again soon and then hopefully she can help me with all of this as well, as she has been.


[Edit] - Oh!  One more (or rather, two more but I'm going to roll them into one):

Seventh, drink more water.  Also, try making your bed more often and keep your room cleaner.  You're more productive that way.